All For One
So autumn started a couple days ago and yet today it’s 80 degrees and humid in New York City. What the F, Mother Nature? Listen, biznatch, I want to break out my hooded sweatshirts so let’s crank down the thermostat.
It was the second episode of The Biggest Loser and I have to say it was a pretty boring one this week without many highlights. Here are some things that are boring to watch: fat people taking a food quiz, fat people getting calls from home after being gone for just a week, fat people walking on a balance beam over a lake and not falling in.
Thoughts:
- It was week two, which is notoriously difficult week. Or at least that’s what we were told over and over again. In the end it didn’t prove to be that difficult as the contestants reached their team weight-loss goal of 150 pounds and nobody was sent home. Boring.
- How fucking excited were you guys when they revealed that he food quiz would feature ”world class celebrity chef Curtis Stone”! And by “excited” I mean “confused because you had no idea who this person was.” Apparently he’s famous in Australia. Why couldn’t we have some American celebrity chef appearing on the show. Oh… because they’re all fat. I don’t care. I think it would be fun to have Mario Batali or Paul Prudhomme roll in their and lecture people about their soda intake.
- Seriously, I was praying for them to fall off that balance beam into the lake. Ideally when they were all on it at the same time holding hands. I wanted one to fall and pull the rest in like a string of buoys. No such luck.
- This week’s product placement was for Ziploc EZ Zipper plastic bags. Their attempt to make it seem that this product has something to do with weight-loss was noble and ridiculous. You can take all the potato chips out the main bag and then put them into individual servings! Well, that’s great and all, but here’s the thing — as a human, you should want to be able to eat a handful of potato chips and put the bag away without the forced portion control. You want to be able to stop on your own because, guess what, there are going to be times when you’ll be around a bag of potato chips that hasn’t been portioned out into smaller bags. And then what? Are you just going to swallow the whole thing because all you know is eating everything that’s in a bag? I hope not. Practice like you play, folks.
- The breasts on many of the male contestants this year are particularly disturbing.
