On this, a very special episode, the Losers go to Washington, D.C. to make a difference! Or, as Danny said, “We gotta get the word out that being obese is not the way to go.” Well, if you say so, Danny. I’m not quite ready to take that polarizing stance myself. But I guess that’s why they brought them to DC: to hold a mirror up to society. Or to hold their fat-pants up to senators (I’m going to start travelling around with a super larger pair of pants to hold up to senators and other people when I meet them and say, “These used to be my pants.”)
Also:
- I really thought (read: hoped) that when Tracey got the boot she was going to pull out an uzi and spray everyone with bullets. I could see it behind her eyes. I loved her logic behind screwing everyone over which was, “I had to make those moves to stay in the game.” Listen, bitch, you left halfway through because you made yourself a target early on. You were the least threatening (because you had the least weight to lose) and could have floated to the end. I’m fine with you being crazy, just stop trying to justify it.
- JetBlue, Subway, and Extra Sugar-Free Gum, all got in on the product-placement this week. My favorite is always the Extra gum one. At this point they seem to be willing to imbue this gum with any magical properties they want. On this episode the claim was that it made a good ice-cream substitute. That was seriously their position. My hope is that next week they say, “You know, Thanksgiving is right around the corner. A lot of people are going to be filling up on turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and pies. But just one stick of Extra Sugar-Free Gum….”
- “We’re going to the White House (where we won’t see the president).” The biggest pump-fake of the season next to, “Here’s Derek Jeter (on the jumbo-tron).”
- During the challenge they played this god-awful, corny song by Miley Cyrus. I like when singers or bands decide to write “inspirational songs.” It’s such a clearly calculated move. It’s like when Aerosmith is like, “Ok guys, I guess we should write a prom theme.” Do people really get inspired by a song that’s blatantly telling them to get inspired? If so, I’m going to get into the inspirational song-writing business. Here’s my first single:
Take Flight
Verse 1
There’s that thing you want to do
But you don’t know if you can
You question yourself and your abilities
Well here’s your new plan
Verse 2
Believe in yourself and believe in your dreams
And nobody can stop you
Have faith and take a look in your heart
Can’t nobody top you!
Chorus:
This bird has a broken wing
But it’s still gonna fly
To the to the tippy top of the tree
Surrounded by angels and possibility!
Verse 3
They say life’s a struggle
There’s just pain then you’re done
But you know life is a camping trip
And you’re in a sleeping bag of fun
Chorus:
This bird has a broken wing
But it’s still gonna fly
To the to the tippy top of the tree
Surrounded by angels and possibility!
Bridge:
Fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, flap those wings
Soar, soar, soar, soar, soar angels sing
Achieve, Achieve, Achieve your dreams
Chorus:
This bird has a broken wing
But it’s still gonna fly
To the to the tippy top of the tree
Surrounded by angels and possibility!
Spoken word section:
Hey baby, I know you got dreams. And you’re gonna achieve those dreams because you’re a bird with one wing but you’re still gonna fly. Fly high little bird. This world is yours. Because you know how to persevere. You’re like Thomas Edison when he made all those light bulbs that didn’t work. But then he made the one that did work. And it glowed so bright. Just like you, sweet baby. You’re like Thomas Edison and I’m gonna make love to yoooouuuuuuuuuu.
Chorus:
This bird has a broken wing
But it’s still gonna fly
To the to the tippy top of the tree
Surrounded by angels and possibility!
(repeat and fade)
