Today I’m going to offer you a little technique to help you accomplish any goal that simply requires action or inaction on your part. It’s an underhanded and almost cruel way to get yourself to do something, but it works. You can use it to get yourself to do a one-time thing. Or you can use it to create a permanent change in some aspect of your life. I… inflicted this technique on an old friend from college and he instantaneously quit smoking and hasn’t for 6 weeks. He says he can’t see himself ever smoking again.

What is this technique? Some kind of hypnotism? No. It’s more evil than that. It’s blackmail. And we’re going to use what you love most as leverage.

Here’s a thought experiment.

Imagine you have a four-year-old daughter who is the light of your life. Imagine too that you have a problem with cheating on your diet. For years you have sabotaged yourself and you just can’t get out of your own way. After another rough day you find yourself pulling a tub of ice-cream out of the freezer and digging your spoon in, filled with regret. As you bring the spoon to your lips you hear a knock on your door. You go to open it and see a man you’ve never met before in a suit smiling at you. He pulls open his jacket and shows you a handgun stuck in the waistband of his pants. “Hello,” he says, still smiling. “I hope you’re doing well. I want you to know that the next time you cheat on your diet I am going to find your daughter and shoot her in the back of the head. There is no negotiating this. You must be 100% committed to your diet until you reach your goal weight, at which time you are freed from this deal. But until that time you will stick to your diet. And if not… well, then I hope you’ve enjoyed your time with your daughter. And I’m sure she’ll forgive you.” He nods, turns, and walks away.

Could you go back to the couch and dig back into that ice cream? I bet you couldn’t.

So that’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to make that deal. But you don’t need some shady individual or organization to come kill your daughter, because you’re going to make that deal with God. You don’t believe in God? Good, me neither. Then think of yourself as making the deal with the universe or fate or karma. It doesn’t matter how much or how little you believe in any of that.

Here’s how it works. Let’s say you need to make a dentist appointment. You’ve needed to make one for four months but you can never get yourself to actually do it. You know you should but you keep putting it off. So tonight you sit down at a table and write this on a piece of paper.

Tomorrow I will make my dentist appointment. If I fail to do so then something awful is going to happen to my child*. There is no getting out of this contract.

And then you sign it.

Will you make that appointment the next day? I would.

I’m too rational a person to believe that not making the appointment would actually cause something terrible to happen to my child. But at the same time, no one knows the absolute mechanics of the universe, so it’s definitely possible that writing up this contract and having these thoughts could manifest something terrible to happen if the contract is broken. But more importantly, even if we live in a godless, karma-less, fate-less universe, you will never know that for certain. These things are unknowable. So let’s say you don’t make that dentist appointment. You say, “fuck it, I’ll do it some other day,” and you rip up the little contract. Let’s say you do that and something terrible does end up happening to your daughter at some point. Maybe three weeks later she breaks her arm while climbing a tree, or three years later she gets hit by a drunk-driver, or thirty years later she gets a rare form of cancer. Any of these may be just accidents, and they probably are, but you can’t know that. And then you have to live with the possibility, however remote it might be, that you caused it to happen. In fact, you asked for it to happen because you couldn’t be bothered to take three minutes out of your day to make a dentist appointment.

As I said, this is essentially just a hyper-manipulative way of leveraging your willpower. It’s a tool for anyone who feels they can’t just tell themselves to do or not do something and then make that happen. It’s pretty ghoulish, and I don’t really recommend it, but I know it’s helped one friend of mine. If it helps anyone else here, I’d like to hear about it.

* If you don’t have kids, or hate them, then feel free to substitute in whatever you love:spouse, parents, siblings, friends, John Stamos.

In this post on an old blog I wrote about a shitty manuscript I purchased off ebay with 16 3-day diets in it. For whatever reason, as you can see by the comments, that post has blown up over the past couple of days with a lot of people requesting the diets (apparently my completely dismissive tone made them sound attractive). Well, now 3 and half years after that post, here are the diets as written up in the manuscript I purchased. I put NO FAITH in these diets. There is nothing magical about the food combinations written up here except for the fact that in all of these you will be consuming very few calories. Everything below the following line is mostly bullshit (including the estimated number of pounds you’ll lose in those 3 days. You may lose that many pounds but you’ll gain most of it right back.) All claims and misspellings come straight from the original manuscript. So,  for your entertainment here are 16 3-day diets.

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COTTAGE CHEESE & GRAPEFRUIT DIET

(Lose up to 10 pounds in 3 Days)

This is a 3 day diet plan. If you follow it correctly, you can lose up

to 10 pounds in 3 days. This is a low calorie diet plan. It is

recommended that you do not repeat this diet more than once or

twice per month.

THE DIET

You can have as much grapefruit as you wish – and we

recommend as many different kinds of grapefruit as you can find.

As for cottage cheese, you can have four (4) cups of the creamy

or 4% fat cottage cheese, or six (6) cups of the light, low-fat or

pot-style cottage cheese.

ALL BREAKFASTS:

Grapefruit

Cottage cheese

1 Slice whole-grain bread, toasted

Coffee or tea with artificial sweetener

MID-MORNING SNACKS:

Grapefruit

ALL LUNCHES:

Nonfat beef broth or chicken broth

Grapefruit

Cottage cheese

Diet soda (No Calorie only)

ALL DINNERS:

Grapefruit segments and cottage cheese on a bed of shredded

lettuce

2 Tbls. of any fat-free salad dressing

2 whole grain crackers

Sparkling water (may be fruit-flavored if non-caloric).

YOGURT CLEANSING DIET

(Lose up to 6 Pounds in 3 Days)

This diet is very simple and effective for cleansing. After 3 days,

your body will feel refreshed and renewed. You will not be

drinking any coffee, tea, soft drinks, or alcohol for the 3 days.

You will be required to drink at least eight (8) oz glasses of

distilled or mineral water each day. This diet is designed to be

done for 3 days and 3 days only. If you need to repeat this diet,

you should eat normally for 2 days before restarting it.

THE DIET

DAY 1:

Breakfast:

6-8 fresh grapes

1 carton of fresh natural yogurt

1 glass of distilled water

Lunch:

1 apple

1 pear

1 carton of natural yogurt

1 glass of distilled water

Dinner:

1/2 melon

1 carton of yogurt

1 glass of distilled water

DAY 2:

Breakfast:

1 boiled or poached egg

1 carton of fresh natural yogurt

1 glass of distilled water

Lunch:

3 oz steamed or grilled white fish OR 3 oz canned tuna packed in

water

1 carton of natural yogurt

1 glass of distilled water

Dinner:

1 boiled or poached egg

1 carton of yogurt

1 glass of distilled water

REPEAT DAY 1 OF THIS DIET ON THE 3RD DAY.

GRAPEFRUIT AND BANANA DIET

(Lose 5-6 Pounds in 3 Days)

This diet will enable you to lose weight very quickly and is great

for those after holiday pounds that just seem to stick with you. It

is a very low calorie and strict program. It is designed to be done

for 3 days and 3 days only. If you need to repeat this diet, you

should eat normally for 2-3 days before restarting it.

THE DIET

DAY 1:

Breakfast:

1/2 grapefruit

1/2 banana

1 small carton of natural yogurt

1 cup of black coffee or tea with lemon, no sugar

Lunch:

1/2 grapefruit

1/2 banana

1 boiled egg

1 cup of black coffee or tea with lemon, no sugar

Dinner:

1/2 grapefruit

1/2 banana

1 small carton of natural yogurt

1 cup of black coffee or tea with lemon, no sugar

DAY 2:

Breakfast:

1/2 grapefruit

1/2 banana

2 slices very crispy grilled bacon

1 cup of black coffee or tea with lemon, no sugar

Lunch:

1/2 grapefruit

1/2 banana

4 slices of cold chicken or turkey

1 cup of coffee or tea with lemon, no sugar

Dinner:

1/2 grapefruit

1/2 banana

4 oz peeled shrimp or prawns grilled with lemon

1 cup of coffee or tea with lemon, no sugar

DAY 3:

Breakfast:

1/2 grapefruit

1/2 banana

4 oz skimmed or low fat milk

1 cup of black coffee or tea with lemon, no sugar

Lunch:

1/2 grapefruit

1/2 banana

4 oz skimmed or low fat milk

1 cup of coffee or tea with lemon, no sugar

Dinner:

1/2 grapefruit

1/2 banana

4 oz skimmed or low fat milk

1 cup of coffee or tea with lemon, no sugar

FRUIT LOVER’S DIET

(Lose up to 6 Pounds in 3 Days)

For those who love fruit and don’t mind eating lots of it everyday,

then you have hit the jackpot. This diet offers very fast weight

loss while eating the foods you love. It is designed to be done for

3 days and 3 days only. If you need to repeat this diet, you

should eat normally for 2 days before restarting it.

THE DIET

Breakfast:

1/2 melon – any variety you like (cantaloupe, honey dew)

1 apple cut into quarters and spread with a little honey

1 glass of unsweetened fruit juice (any variety)

1 small cup of tea with lemon, no sugar

Morning Snack:

1 tangerine, orange of pear

Lunch:

1 large glass of fresh orange juice to which you add 1 mashed

banana. Blend together and it’s ready to drink.

Afternoon Snack:

1 tangerine, orange of pear

Dinner:

1 whole grapefruit, cut in half and take out segments (set shells

aside)

Chop segments up together with 4-5 black seedless grapes and 2

teaspoons chopped almonds.

Put mixture back into grapefruit shells, spread with a little honey

and place under a hot grill for 3-4 minutes.

Plus 1 cup of tea with lemon, no sugar.

REPEAT THIS DIET FOR 2 MORE DAYS.

EASY BANANA DIET

(Lose up to 4 Pounds in 3 Days)

For all of you banana lovers, there is little cooking involved with

this diet as bananas are the main ingredient. You get great

results in 3 days. This diet is designed to be done for 3 days and

3 days only. If you need to repeat this diet, you should eat

normally for 2 days before restarting it.

THE DIET

Breakfast:

1 banana

1 glass of skim milk

1 cup of black coffee

Mid Morning:

1 cup of black coffee

Lunch:

1 banana

3 tablespoons cottage cheese or 3 oz hard cheese

1 cup of black coffee

Late Afternoon:

1 cup of herbal tea with lemon, no sugar

Dinner:

4 – 6 oz of steak, grilled and served with lettuce leaves

1 banana, which could be peeled lengthwise and grilled with the

steak or eaten cold as dessert

1 cup black coffee or tea with lemon, no sugar

REPEAT THIS DIET FOR 2 MORE DAYS.

FORBIDDEN FOODS DIET

(Lose up to 5 Pounds in 3 Days)

This diet allows you to eat some of the foods that are usually

forbidden on diets in moderate amounts. Like lobster? Well this

diet should surely perk up your motivation. This diet is designed

to be done for 3 days and 3 days only. If you need to repeat this

diet, you should eat normally for 2-3 days before restarting it.

THE DIET

Breakfast:

1 boiled or poached egg with a salt and pepper, if desired

1 small whole grain roll with a dab of butter

1 cup of herbal or mint tea, no sugar

Lunch:

1/2 an avocado sprinkled with lemon juice with 4 oz plain cottage

cheese piled onto the avocado and sprinkled with freshly chopped

parsley and chives

Plus a tall drink made with 1 glass of white wine, 1 glass of

mineral water, ice cubes and a slice of lemon

Dinner:

You can have either:

Up to 1/2 hot or cold roast chicken, skin removed, served on a

bed of green leaf lettuce with a wedge of lemon

OR YOU CAN HAVE:

1/2 a lobster, grilled without sauce or butter, served on a bed of

green leaf lettuce with red onions and a teaspoon of olive oil and

lemon juice

OR YOU CAN HAVE:

6 large shrimp, grilled without sauce or butter, served on a bed of

green leaf lettuce with red onions and a teaspoon of olive oil and

lemon juice

Plus a tall drink made with 1 glass of white wine, 1 glass of

mineral water, ice cubes and a slice of lemon

If you are thirsty during the day, you may drink up to 3 glasses

of mineral or distilled water.

REPEAT THIS DIET FOR 2 MORE DAYS.

SUPER CLEANSING TEA DIET

(Lose up to 4 Pounds in 3 Days)

This diet is very effective in helping to shed excess pounds as

well as giving your system a good cleansing. It is designed to be

done for 3 days and 3 days only. If you need to repeat this diet,

you should eat normally for 2 days before restarting it.

THE DIET

Breakfast:

1 glass of herbal, mint or lemon tea, no sugar

1 fresh orange

1 finger size wedge of hard cheese

Mid Morning:

1 glass of herbal, mint or lemon tea, no sugar

1 fresh orange

Lunch:

A crunchy salad made from:

2 oranges 1 tablespoon raisins

3 oz hard cheese 1 tablespoon peanuts

1/2 cucumber Juice of 1 lemon

2 or 3 raw mushrooms 1-1/2 teaspoons olive oil

Peel and chop the oranges, cucumber and mushrooms

Cube the cheese and mix with other ingredients

Combine the lemon juice and the olive oil and pour over the salad

Finally, toss in the peanuts and raisins

Plus 1 glass of herbal, mint or lemon tea, no sugar

Late Afternoon:

1 glass of herbal, mint or lemon tea, no sugar

1 fresh orange

Dinner:

Mix and eat together 1 fresh orange segmented, 1 tablespoon

raisins and 1 tablespoon peanuts

Plus 1 glass of herbal, mint or lemon tea, no sugar

REPEAT THIS DIET FOR 2 MORE DAYS.

WATER CLEANSING DIET

(Lose up to 6 Pounds in 3 Days)

This diet is a very effective cleansing diet. The only liquid you will

be drinking is water. You should drink a good quality mineral

water or distilled water. You cannot have any coffee, tea, sodas,

or alcohol during this diet. This diet is designed to be done for 3

days and 3 days only. If you need to repeat this diet, you should

eat normally for 2 days before restarting it.

THE DIET

DAY 1

Breakfast:

6-8 fresh grapes

1 cup natural yogurt

1 glass of water

Mid Morning:

1 glass of water

Lunch:

1 pear

1 cup natural yogurt

1 glass of water

Late Afternoon:

1 glass of water

Dinner:

1/2 cantaloupe or honey dew melon

1 cup natural yogurt

1 glass of water

Evening:

1 glass of water

DAY 2

Breakfast:

1 boiled or poached egg

1 cup natural yogurt

1 glass of water

Mid Morning:

1 glass of water

Lunch:

Either 3 oz steamed or grilled white fish OR 3 oz canned tuna

packed in water, drained

1 cup natural yogurt

1 glass of water

Late Afternoon:

1 glass of water

Dinner:

1 boiled or poached egg

1 cup natural yogurt

1 glass of water

Evening:

1 glass of water

DAY 3

Breakfast:

1 thin slice of whole grain bread toasted, topped with 1 thinly

sliced tomato and 1 thin slice of hard cheese.

1 cup natural yogurt

1 glass of water

Mid Morning:

1 glass of water

Lunch:

Small green salad with a little olive oil and vinegar dressing

1cup natural yogurt

1 glass of water

Late Afternoon:

1 glass of water

Dinner:

1 thin slice whole grain toast with 1 thinly sliced hard boiled egg

and a few lettuce leaves

1 cup natural yogurt

1 glass of water

Evening:

1 glass of water

3-DAY DIET

(Lose up to 10 Pounds in 3 Days)

This is a 3-day diet plan. If you follow it correctly, you can lose up

to 10 pounds in 3 days. Most people average about 6-8 pounds,

but there are many people who lose 10 pounds. This is a low

calorie diet plan. It is recommended that you do not repeat this

diet more than once or twice per month.

THE DIET

DAY 1:

Breakfast:

Black coffee or tea w/1-2 packets of Sweet & Low or Equal

1/2 Grapefruit or juice

1 toast with 1 tbsp. peanut butter

Lunch:

1/2 cup of tuna (packed in water)

1 toast

Black coffee or tea w/1-2 packets of Sweet & Low or Equal

Dinner:

3 oz. of any lean meat or chicken

1 cup of green beans

1 cup of carrots

1 apple

1 cup of regular vanilla ice cream

DAY 2:

Breakfast:

Black coffee or tea w/1-2 packets of Sweet & Low or Equal

1 egg

1/2 banana

1 toast

Lunch:

1 cup of cottage cheese or tuna

8 regular saltine crackers

Dinner:

2 beef franks

1 cup of broccoli or cabbage

1/2 cup of carrots

1/2 banana

1/2 cup of regular vanilla ice cream

DAY 3:

Breakfast:

Black coffee or tea w/1-2 packets of Sweet & Low or Equal

5 regular saltine crackers

1 oz. of cheddar cheese

1 apple

Lunch:

1 boiled egg

1 toast

Black coffee or tea w/1-2 packets of Sweet & Low or Equal

Dinner:

1 cup of tuna

1 cup of carrots

1 cup of cauliflower

1 cup of melon

1/2 cup of regular vanilla ice cream

LEMON AND CHEESE DIET

(Lose up to 4 Pounds in 3 Days)

This diet is very simple and allows weight loss of up to 4 pounds

in 3 days. It is designed to be done for 3 days and 3 days only.

If you need to repeat this diet, you should eat normally for 2 days

before restarting it.

THE DIET

Breakfast:

6 seedless grapes with 1 teaspoon lemon juice

1/2 orange, peeled and chopped

Finger size piece of cheese (Edam, Gouda or Cheddar), cubed

2 teaspoons of muesli

3-4 tablespoons of plain yogurt

Mix all ingredients together and it is ready to eat.

You can have 1 glass of herbal tea, no sugar (artificial sweetener

is okay).

Morning Snack:

1 glass of hot water with fresh lemon juice, no sugar

Lunch:

2 thick slices of cheese (Edam, Gouda or Cheddar)

Spread each slice with some horseradish sauce and add a paper

thin slice of lean ham and a layer of thinly peeled and sliced

apple. Top it off with a squeeze of lemon juice.

You can 1 glass of herbal tea, no sugar (artificial sweetener is

okay).

Afternoon Snack:

1 glass of hot water with fresh lemon juice

Dinner:

1 cup of any clear soup with a squeeze of lemon added to it

1 thin slice whole grain bread or toast

2 oz (50 g) cheese (Edam, Gouda or Cheddar)

1 fresh orange

1 glass of herbal tea, no sugar (artificial sweetener is okay).

REPEAT THIS DIET FOR THE NEXT 2 DAYS.

APPLE AND NUT DIET

(Lose up to 5 Pounds in 3 Days)

This diet will show quick results and is delicious to taste. You

should use different apples and nuts so as to give added variety

to this diet. It is designed to be done for 3 days and 3 days only.

If you need to repeat this diet, you should eat normally for 2 days

before restarting it.

THE DIET

Breakfast:

2 medium sized apples, peeled and chopped

1 tablespoon finely chopped nuts

2 tablespoons plain yogurt

1 small teaspoon honey

Juice from 1/2 an orange

Put apples and nuts into small bowl and pour over dressing made

from the yogurt, honey and orange juice

1 cup of coffee or tea without milk or sugar, or 8 oz glass of apple

juice

Morning Snack:

8 oz glass of apple juice

Lunch:

2 large apples, peeled and sliced

1 medium beetroot, sliced

1 hard boiled egg, sliced

Arrange on place

Sprinkle 1 tablespoon finely chopped nuts over these ingredients.

Add dressing made from a mixture of 2 tablespoons plain yogurt,

1 small teaspoons honey, and juice from 1/2 an orange

1 glass of apple juice and 1 small cup black coffee

Afternoon Snack:

1 cup lemon tea

Dinner:

Exactly the same as for breakfast

REPEAT THIS DIET FOR 2 MORE DAYS.

MUSHROOM DIET

(Lose up to 4 Pounds in 3 Days)

Mushrooms are packed with nutrients and are very low in

calories. If you like mushrooms, then this is the program for you

and you will probably do well on it. It is designed to be done for

3 days and 3 days only. If you need to repeat this diet, you

should eat normally for 2 days before restarting it.

THE DIET

Breakfast:

2 oz mushrooms, coarsely chopped

4 walnuts, chopped

4 prunes, chopped

1 cup of natural yogurt

Mix together and it is ready to eat

Morning Snack:

4 oz milk mixed with 1 teaspoon honey and 4 oz soda water or

mineral water such as Evian. Serve in a tall glass over ice cubes.

Lunch:

2 oz mushrooms, coarsely chopped

1/2 green pepper chopped

6 walnuts, chopped

1 cup of natural yogurt

Mix together and it is ready to eat

Plus 1 cup of black coffee or tea with lemon (artificial sweetener

okay)

Afternoon Snack:

4 oz milk mixed with 1 teaspoon honey and 4 oz soda water or

mineral water such as Evian. Serve in a tall glass over ice cubes.

Dinner:

2 oz mushrooms, grilled

2 tomatoes, grilled

2 slices fresh or canned pineapple packed in natural juices, grilled

1/2 green pepper, grilled

Serve on a bed of lettuce or watercress

Evening Snack:

1 carton of natural yogurt mixed with 1 teaspoon honey

Plus 8 oz mineral water

You may also drink a glass of mineral water or distilled water

between meals.

REPEAT THIS DIET FOR 2 MORE DAYS.

CEREAL MIX DIET

(Lose up to 10 Pounds in 3 Days)

This diet is called the cereal mix diet because you get to eat cereal

every day. It is one of the simplest, most effective diets ever.

Because fiber-filled bulk foods like cereal kill fat cravings by filling

you up, you tend to eat less. It also stimulates food to move out

of your body faster. It is recommended that you do not repeat

this diet more than once or twice per month.

CEREAL MIX RECIPE

Yields 6 servings (eat 2 cups a day for the 3-day diet).

3/4 cup All-Bran Buds cereal 4 Tbls mixed chopped dried fruits

2 Tbls. chopped nuts 1-1/2 cups Cheerios

3 Cups Total cereal

Mix all ingredients together in large bowl.

GUIDELINES

1. Coffee, tea and non-caloric beverages are allowed as desired.

(Please read labels. Make sure there are no calories in the

beverages that you drink. Because it is diet, it does not mean

there are no calories.)

2. No added fat in food preparation.

3. Canned fish should be packed in water.

4. Light yogurt is sugar free and fat free.

DAY 1:

Breakfast:

1 cup of cereal mix,

8 oz. Skim milk

1/2 banana

Lunch:

Large green salad

1 tbls. fat-free dressing

3 oz. tuna

1 apple

Dinner:

3 oz. salmon

1 small baked potato

1 cup of broccoli

Tossed green salad with wine vinegar

Anytime Snacks:

1 cup of cereal mix

1 eight-ounce flavored light yogurt

DAY 2:

Breakfast:

1 cup cereal mix

8 oz. skim milk

1/2 grapefruit

Lunch:

Large green salad

1 tbls. fat-free dressing

3 oz. shrimp

1 pear

Dinner:

3 oz chicken breast

1/2 cup brown rice with herbs

1/2 cup carrots

1/2 cut green beans

Anytime Snacks:

1 cup cereal mix

1 eight-oz. flavored light yogurt

DAY 3:

Breakfast:

1 cup cereal mix

8 oz. skim milk

1 orange

Lunch:

Large green salad

1 tbls. fat-free dressing

3 oz. chicken

1 apple

Dinner:

3 oz. London broil

1/2cup pasta

1/2cup asparagus

1/2cup yellow turnips

Anytime Snacks:

1 cup cereal mix

1 eight-oz. flavored light yogurt

SIMPLE PROTEIN DIET

(Lose up to 6 Pounds in 3 Days)

This is a very simple diet comprised of mostly proteins and some

vegetables. It is a very effective diet if you follow it as directed

and the results are dramatic in 3 days. This diet is designed to

be done for 3 days and 3 days only. If you need to repeat this

diet, you should eat normally for 3 or 4 days before restarting it.

THE DIET

Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner:

For each meal, choose from either: 3 oz of any shellfish or white

fish or 3 oz of any of the following meats:

Chicken

Turkey

Beef

Lamb

Meats should be boiled, broiled, grilled or baked.

Plus you can add some lettuce leaves or watercress and sprinkle

with lemon juice.

You can have 1 cup of black coffee or tea with lemon, no sugar,

with each meal (artificial sweetener is okay).

You must drink at least eight 8 oz glasses of water each day.

REPEAT THIS DIET FOR 2 MORE DAYS.

STEAK & SALAD DIET

(Lose Up to 10 Pounds in 3 Days)

This is a 3-day diet plan. If you follow it correctly, you can lose up

to 10 pounds in 3 days. It is recommended that you do not

repeat this diet more than once or twice per month.

THE DIET

DAY 1:

Breakfast:

Cottage cheese

1 slice whole-grain bread, toasted.

Coffee or tea (with cream, optional)

Lunch:

Broiled filet mignon

Tomato & onion salad vinaigrette (see recipe below)

Sparkling water with lime wedge

Dinner:

Pan-broiled shell steak

Tricolor salad of radicchio, argula and endive with blue cheese

dressing

Diet Soda (No calorie)

DAY 2:

Breakfast:

Scrambled eggs

Toasted English muffin with butter

Coffee or tea (with cream, optional)

Lunch:

Broiled chopped steak

Chopped salad (iceberg lettuce, bell pepper, onion, cucumber,

radish with Russian dressing)

Sparkling water (may be fruit-flavored if non-caloric)

Dinner:

Steak Kebobs with mushroom caps

Spinach salad with Japanese Rice Wine Vinaigrette (see recipe

below)

Iced tea

DAY 3:

Breakfast:

Smoked white fish

Cream cheese

1/2 Bagel

Coffee or tea (with cream, optional)

Lunch:

Pan-broiled shoulder steak with mustard

Carrot salad (see recipe below)

Expresso coffee

Dinner:

Rib steak with sautéed mushrooms

Bibb lettuce, hearts of artichokes and fennel salad with Tihini

dressing (see recipe below)

Sparkling water with wedge of lime.

RECIPES

Japanese Rice Wine Vinaigrette:

Ingredients:

1 tbls. lemon juice; 2 tbls. seasoned Japanese rice wine vinegar; 4

tbls. olive oil; 1 garlic clove, pressed; salt and freshly ground

pepper to taste.

Combine lemon juice, vinegar and olive oil in a bowl, or a jar with a

screw top – mix or shake. Add garlic and seasonings and continue

mixing until all ingredients are thoroughly blended.

Makes about 1/3 cup.

Carrot Salad:

Ingredients:

3 tbls. olive oil; 1 Tbls. raspberry or balsamic vinegar; 1 garlic

clove, pressed; 1/8 tsp. ground cumin; salt and freshly ground

pepper to taste; 3 carrots, grated.

Combine oil, vinegar, garlic, cumin, salt & pepper in a bowl or a jar

with a screw top. Mix or shake until thoroughly blended. Pour

dressing over grated carrots and toss.

Makes 1-2 servings.

Tahini Dressing:

Ingredients:

3 tbls. olive oil; 1 tbls. balsamic vinegar; 1 tbls. Tahini; salt and

freshly ground pepper to taste.

Combine all ingredients in a bowl or a jar with a screw top. Mix or

shake until thoroughly blended.

Makes about 1/3 cup.

3 DAY VEGGIE DIET

(Lose up to 10 Pounds in 3 Days)

On this diet, you can lose up to 10 pounds 3 in days. You will be

eating mostly vegetables with the exception of your breakfast.

This is a very simple diet and is easy to follow. If you are a

vegetarian, this is the diet for you.

THE DIET

All vegetables are allowed except for beans, corn and potatoes.

Vegetables can be prepared your favorite way; stir-fried, roasted,

even sautéed in a bit of olive oil. The only sauces you cannot

have are those prepared with butter or cream. Try to stick

closely to the fat-free type sauces.

Repeat the following menu for 3 days.

ALL BREAKFASTS

Cottage cheese and coffee or tea with artificial sweetener or skim

milk.

ALL LUNCHES AND DINNERS

As much of any and all vegetables cooked without butter or

cream

1 slice of whole-grain bread

Any diet soda (the no calorie kind), including fruit-flavored

sparkling water that is non-caloric; tea or coffee, hot or iced.

Oh, working, playing, falling in love. That sort of stuff. Nothing bad.

For some reason an old post of mine on one of my former blogs has been getting hundreds of hits in the past few days, so I will be posting some further information in regards to that post here in a minute.

Other than that, my weight loss continues slow and steady. It’s essentially a non-issue for me now. I don’t put much thought at all into my own weight loss, although I do have some ideas on the matter of weight loss in general that I’ll be posting soon. Your best bet is just to subscribe to this site in some way, because I certainly have no regular schedule for updates.

 

As I get closer to my goal I find I have less to say on the subject of losing weight. This makes, of course, for a sparsely populated blog. But I don’t mind that if you don’t. (And you don’t, trust me. The diet blogs that are updated daily consist either of people bemoaning their setbacks, or giving diet tips that consist of “Carry around water with you so you can sip it throughout the day.”)

I’m pretty much at the point now where I don’t eat foods in amounts that would cause me to gain weight. I’ll eat everything. Carrot sticks. French fries. Whatever. I’ll eat lots of carrot sticks. But I won’t eat a lot of french fries. That’s pretty much what I do. If I’m in a situation, like a party or a barbecue or something where there isn’t a lot of “healthy” food to eat, then I’ll just eat a small portion of what is there. Simple enough, yes? Okay, but how do you get to that point? Well, I’ve written a lot about self-discipline, and a lot of it is just practice. Go into a situation where you would normally overindulge and instead eat less than a normal person would eat there. Do this a couple of times, and soon you will realize that you can do it all the time.

Part of it is self talk. I don’t mean that in some kind of hippy meaning. And I don’t mean it in the sense of daily affirmations. The idea behind daily affirmations is sound. I’m sure it does make you feel better about yourself on some level. But as you stare in the mirror and say, “I am a worthwhile human being. I am smart, funny, and attractive. I deserve love. I will receive a life of abundance.” What you’re also doing is saying, “I’m the type of person who has to tell myself stuff in the mirror that I don’t believe is true. If I thought it was true, I wouldn’t need to tell myself it in the mirror. I’d just believe it.” So in that sense I think affirmations are fairly useless.

The self talk I’m talking about is this: We all have those things in life that we don’t want to do, but we know we should do (or thing we do want to do that we know we shouldn’t).  You say to yourself, “I want to eat that cheesesteak.” But another part of your brain says, “I don’t want to eat that cheesesteak.” The part of your brain that says, “I want the cheesesteak,” is the same part of your brain that says, “I want to sleep until noon. I want to fuck this hot stranger. I want to fart in this crowded elevator.” It’s all animal. But there’s another part of your brain that has wants too, and these wants are in direct opposition to the animal. This part of the brain is the real you. Or at least it’s a step more evolved than the animal brain. You need to find a way to disassociate yourself from the animal part. I’ve found the easiest way to do this is to make a concerted effort to think differently. Instead of thinking, “I want that cheesesteak,” think, “It wants that cheesesteak.”  I found that just taking the second to think about whatever is tempting me in this way is enough to allow me not to succumb to it. I feel completely in control.

So always think “It” when you think about doing the things you know you shouldn’t.

IT wants that cheesesteak.
IT want that cigarette.
IT wants some cocaine.
IT wants to take creepy pictures of little girls at the playground.
IT wants to set fire to that church.

This works with whatever you struggle with. Yes, it’s just a mental game, but that’s all everything is. The clear-thinking, rational, sober part of you is the I. Anything you know you shouldn’t do gets the It treatment. The “It” part of your brain is the lion. You are the lion tamer.

Start growing your mustache.

I have a lot of ideas about weight loss that I don’t write up for this site because I just think they’re unlikely to connect with anyone but me. This is one of those ideas.

I don’t do much structured exercise as part of my weight loss program. I do a little shovelglove, I’ll watch my beloved Jack Lalanne DVDs (which are as much entertainment to me as they are exercise), and sometimes when I want to build up a little reserve of programming in the DVR, I’ll put my ipod on shuffle and bust a move for a few minutes. What do I wear during these spurts of activity, you ask? Oh, you dog, such dirty thoughts.

Well, I’ll tell you. When I first decided to lose weight I went out and bought a short-sleeve button up shirt in the size I thought I would be once I reached my goal weight. And I’ve been wearing that to exercise in since day 1 (well, in the privacy of my apartment, not when I go out for a walk). When I first tried it on I could button the top button and nothing else. This is a good look if you’re wanting to join a Mexican gang or become a caped super-hero, but otherwise it’s not so hot. But the nice part is, each time I put the shirt on it’s an imperceptible amount looser. And every 10 or 15 pounds I can button another button. It’s a nice, gentle but constant reminder of the progress I’m making. Every time I put on the shirt I remember when I first put it on and how it was so tight I probably could have Hulk’ed my way through the back of it.

Here’s the thing, I recognize the power of a scale and a tape-measure to keep track of your progress but those numbers can seem kind of arbitrary. There is nothing more motivating than when you do something with ease that you couldn’t before, or when you fit into something that used to be tight. So you might as well try to orchestrate these moments into your life.

I want to start off this post by saying that I don’t think you should starve yourself to lose weight. I think it’s unhealthy and unsustainable. You learn nothing about managing your food intake if you starve yourself. If you’ve read anything I’ve written about how I’m going about losing weight you’ll understand that. But, that being said I don’t like the idea of a group of people (dieters) collectively deluding themselves about something that doesn’t exist, to wit, starvation mode.

I’ve never used the expression “to wit” before, I don’t think I ever will again.

Case in point, 50 Cent.

You may have read the news story last week that 50 Cent lost 54 pounds in 9 weeks to play a cancer patient. Here’s a before and after shot (except the other way around.)

How did he do it? He went on an all liquid diet and got on the treadmill 3 hours a day.

Shouldn’t his body have gone into “starvation mode”? Shouldn’t it have shut down and stopped burning calories? This is what many diet books and your fat aunt will tell you. But this just isn’t how things work in real life. And we know this because we can look at people who actually starved. Ever seen a picture of the holocaust? Or a guy who has been adrift at sea for a few months? Magically everyone who actually starves somehow resists the mysterious starvation mode. Was Elie Wiesel’s metabolism less than yours? Well, yes, but that’s what happens when you get down to about 70 pounds.

Here’s your basic biology lesson. Your fat is stored calories. Let’s say you need 2800 calories to function throughout the day. You can either eat your 2800 calories, or you can eat 1400 and your body can burn 1400 stored calories, or you can eat nothing and your body can burn 2800 stored calories. Your body still gets the calories, it just gets them from your stored fat. So when people say, “Don’t go under [some arbitrary number] of calories, because your body needs that just to survive.” What they’re not understanding is that your body still gets that number of calories it just gets them by burning your fat instead of the food you ate. This is all weight loss is.

But starvation mode must exist, right? I mean you hear so much about it. It can’t all be bullshit, can it?

Well, kind of.

Let’s clarify some things.

Yes, eating will raise your metabolism. But it doesn’t ever raise it enough to make up for the influx of calories you take in by eating.

Yes, your metabolism will lower as you lose weight. But that’s just how things work. It takes a lot less gas to move a Mini-Cooper 100 miles than it does to move a Hummer 100 miles. Your metabolic rate is, essentially, how much “fuel” you need to get you through the day. So, of course, it’s going to decrease as you get smaller.

Yes, starvation mode exists. But it’s not something that happens to you as you try to lose weight. Starvation mode is what your body goes into once all the fat is burned. It’s your body using your muscle and internal organs for fuel because it doesn’t have anything else  to use. You can’t be fat and in starvation mode. It’s like saying, “I have a lot of expendable income. And I’m bankrupt.”

Listen, I’m not a doctor… or am I? (I’m not.) But I’m completely capable of reading the scientific studies about calorie reduction and metabolism and I can’t find a study that shows anything about the existence of “starvation mode” as people use the term in the dieting industry.

Again, I’m not suggesting you starve yourself thin. That’s for adolescent girls who are too stupid to do anything else. You’ll deprive yourself of nutrients to keep you healthy and you’ll likely feel like shit too. But I’m against the idea of perpetrating the myth of starvation mode because it needlessly complicates the issue of losing weight, and people are confused enough already.

I don’t think you should exercise in order to lose weight. I know that’s not a very popular position to take, and I run the risk of Jillian Michaels breaking into my bedroom with a ball-gag and a strap-on just for mentioning it. But I have my reasons, and here they are:

1. If it’s not in your nature, you won’t keep it up.

Remember, my goal is not just to lose weight, but to do it in a way that I will be more likely to maintain the weight-loss. And I think in order to maintain the weight-loss you need to do it in a manner that is in line with your nature. Here’s something I’m not sure a lot of people understand: Anything that plays a big role in your weight-loss is also going to have to play a significant role in your maintenance. So if you force yourself to run everyday to lose weight, you may end up having to force yourself to do so the rest of your life (because you haven’t learned to manage your weight through diet.)

You might say, “But, Andy, I love running.” To which I would say, “I’m sorry. You sound like a colossal bore. But go ahead and keep running. I’m not telling you not to do anything you enjoy. I’m telling you not to force yourself to exercise for the sake of losing weight.”

2. You’ll overestimate the effects of your exercise.

In the book Mindless Eating, Brian Wansink mentions how people who start exercising will often gain weight. This has nothing to do with muscle weighing more than fat, or one of those pleasant lies we like to tell ourselves, (similar to, “I must have been eating too little!”) But what happens is we tend to overestimate the calorie-burning effects of our workouts and then wipe-out any benefit we’ve gained by indulging because — after all– we did all that exercise so how much could it hurt? Or as Brian Wansink writes:

3. It gives you one more thing to screw up.

If you’re one of those people who says, “I can’t believe I ate that cookie! Well… I might as well eat the rest of these cookies.” Then exercise is just one more way for you to “fail.” It’s one more thing for you to screw up on and then take the rest of the day/weekend/week off. This bizarre form of perfectionism is one of the most insidious problems when trying to lose weight. If exercise is part of your weight-loss routine and you miss a day of exercise, you may end up saying to yourself, “Oh, I screwed up. I didn’t have time to jog. I’m going to take the rest of the week off and get a fresh start on Monday.” You don’t need that pressure.

4. Forcing yourself to exercise to lose weight does nothing to make you someone who loves exercise.

Running on a treadmill, climbing on a stairmaster, going to an aerobics class — these are things people do because they feel they have to. They burn a lot of calories. If you’re exercising to lose weight, then that’s your main priority. But then you get to your goal weight and you’re like, “Great! Fuck that treadmill,” because running on a treadmill does nothing to make you like exercise. In fact the biggest calorie burners are also some of the most boring things you can do. It’s like homework for your body. You don’t want homework. You want to have an innate love of knowledge. What I mean is you want to do things that will make you want to be active. Playing softball, taking dancing lessons, shooting hoops, skating around on a longboard. These aren’t things that are going to burn the most calories, but they are things that you might actually find enjoyable and might really want to do for the rest of your life. And that will ultimately be a much bigger benefit to your overall health than the 8 months of your life where you spent 45 minutes a day on the treadmill.

You should exercise. Exercise every day if you can. Go outside. Be active. Play sports or go for walks. Or, if you find the idea of bench-pressing a ton of weight exciting, then train to do that. Will this help you lose weight? Maybe. But we don’t care about that, so forget it. Getting out and being active is not part of your weight-loss routine. It’s just part of being alive.

Okay, I’ve received a couple of emails in the past that suggest I give counterintuitive diet advice just for the hell of it — to create controversy and get more readers.  If getting readers was a concern of mine I’d be exchanging links with other diet-bloggers, advertising my site, and posting more often. I write this site because I know when I’m done losing the weight people will say, “How did you do it?” And I thought it would be nice to have a record of my thoughts over this process.

I realize that most of my advice runs counter to standard diet wisdom. And I’m fine with that. I was watching PBS last weekend and there was a program where a doctor was giving his diet for controlling diabetes and losing weight. Apparently it’s very simple, you just have to go on a vegan diet and drop all processed foods, white flour, and sugar from your diet. Oh, geez, why didn’t I think of that. Wait… are you positive I’m not supposed to subsist on a diet of Jamocha shakes and super-nachos? I mean, have you checked the science on it? I just want to make sure.

This type of diet advice always sounds like programming a robot. Or seeing a homeless guy on the street, walking up to him and saying, “Oh, I have some good advice for you. You should get a house. Then you won’t be homeless.”  Ok, no shit.

Here’s the thing, I think of losing weight, eating healthy, and being in shape as three separate goals. So when I suggest something like eating the foods that made you fat, it’s not because I think that’s as “good” for you as going vegan. It’s because I think that’s an important first step in losing weight and keeping it off. An important step for a real human, I mean. I get the sense that most diet writers have no grasp of human psychology.

I say this all as a precursor to my next post which is going to be: Why you shouldn’t exercise to lose weight.

– So my friend who got the weight loss surgery on March 22nd has lost almost 40 pounds so far. I asked him, “Don’t you feel dumb for not just sticking do a diet in the first place? Like if you had just eaten whatever you ate for the last 3 weeks since your surgery without actually getting the surgery, you still would have lost the same amount of weight without having to get your stomach removed.” He said no, he never would have been able to stick to a diet. I guess that’s probably possible. Well, he believed that was the case so there’s no getting around it.  I just think he’s missing out on the inherent therapy that’s found in making yourself do stuff you don’t want to do.

– I liked this post about immitating your evil twin as a way of motivating yourself.

– That Every Diet site really does seem to have every diet. I was looking for something new for my Worst of the Worst series, but even I can’t bring myself to try this one.

As I’ve mentioned before, I am a huge Jack Lalanne fan. I’m certain he would scoff at a lot of the food I eat while I’m losing weight, but I just love his ethos and his vitality, and the his philosophy that you can change whatever you want to change in your life.

I’ve purchased nearly everything from his website. But my favorite item was a Christmas gift I got this year from my sister.

Behold the Jack Lalanne Belt Buckle…

Yes!

I’ve written before about the motivating power of a belt, and now I have the perfect buckle for mine (I just have to figure out how to get it on the belt now. I’m not a cowboy, I haven’t done it before.)